How is this even a thing? I’m a dude. I get it. Girls can be scary. They look just like humans, but they make Weird Things happen in your pants-area. It must be magic. They are the Gargamels to your dick’s whatever-Smurf-your-dick-is.
Now I have a written explanation that I can show to all my other ‘bros’ of why the friendzone is a ego-pampering fantasy world they created. While I would have to reword some of this passage, the core idea is there. Cruel yet concise.